To be honest, I never thought I’d really ever write about the topic of singleness. I haven’t ever really struggled with singleness because I know I have plenty of time to date. However, in the last few months, it’s gotten harder for me to be in this season of watching friends go on fun dates and having people interested in them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad that they’re experiencing this joy (I’m a hopeless romantic), but I’ve begun to wonder like I think a lot of other single girls out there– when will it be my turn?
It’s funny— I know I haven’t been ready for a relationship, and I still think I have a lot of things to work on before I can be ready to have someone else in my life, but I still want to have the chance to get to know someone in that romantic way. I know it’s not my time, yet I want it. How often is that the case for us in so many things? We want something, yet we know we’re not ready for it.
What I’m learning in this season in life is how to be happy for others and to be patient and wait on God because He has a plan and knows what I need more than I do. He sees the bigger picture. He sees my heart and cares about me. He still has a plan, and I don’t need to run ahead of Him to try to get something that won’t bring me ultimate peace and joy.
I don’t know what season of life you’re in, but I’m going to assume you’re single if you’re reading this. I want you to know that singleness is okay. I mean, look what Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians.
“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
(1 Corinthians 7:8-9)
Being single isn’t a bad thing. Paul makes it clear here that being single is a good thing (he also makes it clear in the rest of the passage that marriage is okay too).
The point I want to make here as that we can (and need) to find joy in this season of singleness. We need to find contentment in it. It’s in this season where we can grow and become more like Christ. We can become Proverb 31 women and be that someone someone else might be looking for.
One huge thing I’ve also learned about being single is that it’s in this time where I need to learn to put my full confidence in Christ and who He says I am. I’ve been learning that a relationship shouldn’t be there for you to get something that only God can fulfill. True contentment is found in Christ, and in order to have a Christ centered relationship, we have to know who we are in Him and have full confidence in Him. We can’t rely on someone else to give us confidence and joy that won’t ultimately last. A boyfriend, fiancé, or husband won’t ultimately fulfill us. Only God can do that.
If we don’t know who we are in Christ, then we’re going to be looking to our partner to tell us who we are, and what happens when we argue with them and hurtful words are said? Our “confidence” will crumble because it wasn’t based on what God says. Only true confidence comes from God and who He says we are. Trying to find something in another broken human that can only be found through Christ won’t result in true joy and contentment.
Lastly, I’m learning that there’s a time for everything.
“There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—”
Being single is where I am right now, and it’s right where I need to be. There will be a time for a relationship for me and for you. It might just not be right now, and that’s okay. I believe that if God has placed a desire in your heart, He won’t keep you from it. It might not come when you want it, but it will come when you’re ready. I think this includes a relationship as well as any other dream or desire you might have.
You’re where you need to be, and until the time comes for you to enter into a relationship, don’t settle for second-best. Keep your standards high. If you have to settle in order to have a relationship, it’s probably not one that you need to be in. Remember that no person can bring you true contentment and joy. Know who you are in Christ, and find true joy and contentment in Him because He is the only one who can give you that ultimate contentment you’re looking for. I pray you and I can rejoice in this season. Let’s encourage each other to be joyful and fully present in this season because it’s a great season where we can grow in Him and become the person He wants us to be.
P.S. If you want to read another post on being single or dating, here’s a link to a blog post from Live Original that I found to be very encouraging and helpful: https://liveoriginal.com/single-dating-engaged-married/